the fifth year

I’m sitting at a café in Helsinki airport and I just stopped to think about this whole year. There was really low lows but also, in contrary, really high highs.  As my father said in his speech on my graduation: Kaisa is a person who feels everything, it’s never neutral. I lost that for a moment but I managed, with great strength, different sort of strength I’ve known before, to get past that.

This year I have taken action and I must admit admiring myself for that. I felt stuck so I moved on. I felt bad so I made an effort to feel better. I solved problems. I pushed myself outside my comfort zone, for the first time in ages and it felt so good. It was exactly what I needed.

As I’m writing this on New Year’s Eve I can say I am in a place in my life I feel good. I feel happy. I feel safe. I feel passionate. I feel comfortable in this very moment. In some point I found myself trusting the world and the people around me. For that I am extremely glad. I am back being that fearless me I used to be. 

In 2018 I want to work on that last insecurity I still have. I am starting running again. I am starting stretching again. I want to get in shape in order to being able to like my body as much as my mind. I have a strong feeling this will also help with mental stability which is an issue I am far bored of standing for anymore.