christmas this time

Christmas. Never been my favourite time of the year. 

This year I had high expectations. Last year my Christmas was, well, very different and I don't know if I liked it or not. So this time I knew what to expect and knew how I wanted things to go. Because that's what I am; a bit of a control freak. I liked it this December. I got to go to places I knew and when I wanted. I bought presents and I didn't have to send them millions of miles away.

Still somehow I broke to tears more than twice this week. Probably the most frustrating part of this is that there's no obvious reason. So imagine people asking "what is it?" for the millionth time and I just cannot answer. Although, I have been seeing quite weird and rather awful dreams lately. In these dreams I have done a tiny mistake which somehow has turned out to be really fatal — practically my main fear in life.

Here in Finland we celebrate Christmas on the 24th being the Christmas Eve which was yesterday. We had our grandparents over and had a lovely dinner followed by unwrapping the presents. It was wonderful again and I got way more excited I had expected. This morning I woke up from a terrible dream which practically ruined almost half of the day. Somehow having a shower always helps. I think there's been an actual study about this; washing the worries off.

Under all that vain worry and tension I found something. The best present I can get is dreaming. I got reminded about my trip to see my friends in Mid-Europe (departing on Sunday, yay!) and our plans for New Year's Eve amongst many more exciting things over in 2016. I love dreaming, I love planning and I love both of them so much I don't even mind if they never came to live. The world I can create inside my head is the most beautiful and safe place I know. All I need is a spark of inspiration which is given to me by the ones I love.

Merry Christmas. Keep dreaming.

CONTINUE READING

the first snow

Yesterday morning the Southern Finland woke up on a happy note. 

As soon as I opened my curtains I could see a delicate white layer on the ground and sprinkled on the trees. The sight of first snow is pleasant every time. Yet I have never ever considered myself as a winter and definitely not a Christmas person. Something must have clicked seriously in my head during last year since seeing snow made me almost scream — out of happiness. I was actually excited to get my mittens out and go out to enjoy the very fresh air. The world has gone crazy. Ask any past year me and you'll get an answer filled with pure disgust towards the whole winter.

I am not stressing about the Christmas presents {at least not yet} and I actually enjoy gathering a Christmas themed Pinterest board. I have had a bunch and a half of Christmas / fairy lights on my walls for about two months already. I have a Christmas scented hand cream on my desk right next to a whole cavalcade of candles. I don't recognise myself anymore.

Maybe a year apart from the idyllic white Christmas of December overall made me realise what I had taken for granted. A different Christmas made me finally realise I didn't want one. I want a traditional Finnish Christmas which I thought I had hated my whole life. It is rather refreshing, actually, to have some new opinions about things. To be honest, I was quite bored on hating Christmas while everyone else couldn't get enough of it.

Let's see if the climate change would be willing to change its mind as well. I'd really like to have the White Christmas this year as well as all the upcoming ones.

CONTINUE READING

university plans

I can still remember how I used to write about my future. Back then all my future included was the exchange year. Little did I know life continues after the exchange year. But it does. And now it's time to get real with the next life plans.

I want to go to a university once I graduate from upper secondary. It's not just any uni I wish to attend, no: it's the UAL. I've mentioned my willing to study abroad couple of times during these past couple of years but only now have I really started the research. I don't know why it took so long for me to start. I guess I wanted to live in the ignorance for a little longer. Anyway, now I've started and now I'm hooked.

It feels like my whole life has clear goals and destinations again. I know what I have to do in order to get where I want. This makes life in daily bases so much easier since I don't have to consider my every move anymore. Or actually I still need to consider every single one of them — the difference is now I know the right answer straight away. Hooray!

I want to become a designer. That's my dream at the moment. These dreams for life have changed during the years but the desire for designing has been a part of them in almost every case. There was a time I wanted to become a artist, then a vet, then an architect and now a fashion designer. So it's always been pretty straight forward on what I want to do, except the vet {that was the time I was an overly enthusiastic horse girl and everyone wanted to be super rich when they grow up}. I've always enjoyed art, watching it, analysing it and most of all, creating it.

I've been a bit down for these past couple of days. It might have something to do with the fact that I'm a bit sick at the moment but also having hearing comments such as "it's really hard to get it to that school" or "have been considering the employment possibilities after you graduate because it doesn't look that promising" etc etc. I've forbidden myself to listen to those comments and oppositely concentrate on those who are on my side and think I can do great things. Luckily, the majority of people in my life support me and encourage me but there is always a few individuals who seem to gain something out of disheartening me.

CONTINUE READING

project hoarder

My screen is screaming. My mind is screaming. Write something!

Busy. That's a topic that has been ruling my world during the last couple of weeks. So on this late Friday night early Saturday morning in I decide to write about it. 

What does being busy mean to me? To me it means being useful and quite obviously being productive. I feel important and needed when I look at my calendar and see how I'm running out of space to add stuff. Running from one place to another gives definition to my days. Also by knowing what I need to do makes planning my weeks so much easier. I can easily say I hate the blank spaces.

Why do I hoard projects? Let me rephrase that: Why would I no hoard projects? There is literally zero cons in this issue. While pursuing my creativity and increasing my knowledge I make new friends, contacts and get the daily doses of sociality overall. Also, I think one has to start somewhere and school {etc.} projects are probably the best and definitely the easiest way to do that.

Do I have any spare time? Yes, quite a bit to be honest. I often have plenty of time to 'destress' at home every day. Usually Monday till Thursday nights I end up watching an episode of some series on TV, having dinner with my family and just relaxing. Then there's Friday and Saturday which are most often dedicated to non school stuff. This is the time I work with my own projects such as photographing, writing, blogging, painting, skyping {yes, it is a project, believe me}, meeting friends etc. Lastly we're left with Sunday which is the day I take a soft landing on the following school week and finish all school stuff I'm left. I want to get all this done during the morning-midday which allows me to continue with my own projects for the rest of the day. I value spare time, I just think one shouldn't have too much of it.

Is it worth it? Absolutely! As I mentioned in the beginning I feel useful and productive while busy. If you are a control freak even as tiny bit as I am you might enjoy it too. Just know when to say no. This is what I've learnt through the hardest way. Prioritising becomes your best friend sooner or later in your life so why not sooner. I used to think I will miss out if I pass. The truth is I was right — obviously I'm gonna miss out if I pass. The important question is, do I care. And if I do, how much do I care. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is how you'll enjoy being busy.

CONTINUE READING

on bad presentations

I've lived my whole life in a faith and according to that faith professionals know their stuff. During the last couple of weeks I've come across multiple not-horrible-but-absolutely-not-brilliant presentations. It literally drives me crazy.

You all must be familiar with the situation of a bad presentation. I've given couple of those myself and listened to more than one of them. I know we're all learning and that we're not perfect, but, I mean, please.

In my school we are now having weekly presentations by professionals of all kinds: a doctor, an engineer, a therapist etc. I've attended three now and let me tell you my opinion: either I know absolutely nothing about those careers (which I won't be separating here for obvious reasons) or they are telling something really wrong. I am supposed to be there to find out about careers that I might be interested in and take some notes for the reports we have to hand in in the end of the term. Instead I'm sitting there and making notes on how that particular presentation could be a million times better. 

Really, as far as I know, anyone can google "how to get in to university" and if unable we do have student councillors to do that exact research. The professionals, as I've understood, should be there to tell about their jobs not about how you can get it. I'd understand if there was a brief slide on how-to but the presentation should focus on the real job itself.

This problem doesn't exist only in career presentations, oh no. Lately there's been so many bad-structured or just lame presentations I don't know what to do. I feel the urge to interrupt them and start again myself. Obviously, as a well-mannered lady (you can always wish) I end up sitting quiet with a nice pretentious smile through the whole thing. When they've finished I might ask some questions just to get a brief answer that really says nothing. There goes the social skills, I say.

In the end I am quite devastated how this whole thing is organised. It's either brave or stupid to write about this but I thought it might create some conversation as this is a subject I have a strong opinion after a really long time. I'd be really interested to hear how you feel about this and if you've had similar situations.

CONTINUE READING