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17 February 2016

mistakes

I most likely made a mistake today. It hurts so I don't wish to clarify.


The truth is, I make mistakes probably all the time. The smaller ones I'm glad not to notice so much anymore. I let them slip away. Then there are mistakes I make out of ignorance and then after a little while I let them slip away too. Finally are the ones I make consciously. I know the result and I weight its power. Yet I end up making them. I made one today.

I have a sort of a guideline that helps me making decisions. If the decision makes no difference to no one but myself I am able to make it and most likely not regret it. If it does, well, I think about regretting already when I'm trying to make the decision. So I won't. It's easy and clear and does no harm.

Today the decision made a difference only for myself. There is literally zero person who would be even a tiny bit interested or offended by my decision. Still, here I am, regretting and pondering over a quite a small detail in my day I consider I failed. Here comes the philosopher: was I to consider the situation through consequentialism I would {surprisingly} notice my decision was the right one even though my instant and very critical {it seems} moralism shouts something very different.

As much as I want to mark myself as a bad human being in the end I have to rely on my ruling guideline. What's done is done and I can't change it anymore. Also what's done was meant to be done which means this will take me somewhere. This kind of keeps me sane time to times.


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