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12 August 2017

It seems that the life has always something drastic planned for the end of the summer. Somehow things escalate and I find myself in an odd and new situation. Call it my subconscious or fate or something completely else everything needs to change when we hit August. That's what I always joke about: for me the new year starts in August, not in January.

Life-update! I am on my own and off to London. That happened quickly you might mumble — believe me I do too. So I might have noticed some clearing places available at the uni of my dreams and I might have applied and I might have even gotten accepted. Yesterday. Last time I wrote about dreams and how they require work and a tiny bit of luck. I realised I feel like I've never done enough and I'm really not the number one believer in luck. Yet somehow I happened achieve something I thought was completely out of my reach.

Yesterday was a truly wonderful day and as I walked home I had to genuinely smile the whole way. Part of my joy comes from freedom and excitement of London. Part of it comes from the creative space I've only recently re-entered. I've sworn I'm officially the worst at making up stories. I come up with an idea for a scene but that's about as far as I can get. Scrap that. This week I was at a bookshop with my sister and browsing through the paperbacks when I noticed an interesting title. Of course I misread it and in the end it wasn't that interesting at all. But what I thought I read sticked to my mind and slowly it escalated me creating a storyline in my head. I got home and grabbed my notebook and started writing. I've been writing the whole week and have five whole chapters ready.

My life is yelling scrap that! straight at my face and I think it's about the time to start listening. It's a new beginning — once again — and a chance to let go of prejudices of what I think I can or cannot do and what can or cannot happen. It came to the point I was yet again panicking about the accommodation in London when I realised it's all going to sort out, not on it's own for sure, but there's really no need to panic. And I scrapped it all and tossed it in the bin. Life is life and you know what: London baby!
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22 July 2017

We’ve heard the words a million times.

Dream big, achieve big is the mantra I live by, I’ve always had. Considering myself as something really special is both empowering and deceiving. It gives self-confidence but at the same time it creates an illusion that one would better than she or he is. This is what happened with me. I used to think I’m oh-so-special and during the last three years that bubble has broken and later been rebuilt little by little leaving holes to allow criticism and to see and understand the actualities (but not to rely on them too much). I’ve been sky high and I’ve been close to the bottom. Now I’m somewhere in between building my way up carefully and self-lovingly trying to remain somewhat down-to-earth.

Believing is vital but not enough. I believe in myself, I've always had. In upper secondary school I realised all that believing is wasted potential if it’s not used to anything. So I worked really hard to earn evidence, to show others and myself my worth and the worth of what I believe in. Because almost equals nothing in the end. The thought in my head is nothing to others because they cannot see or hear it. It exists only to me until I put it in action. To achieve something big others must see my greatness. They need evidence.

Not everything is meant to succeed, though. That is a brutal fact everyone needs to understand sooner or later. It’s a brutal world in that way. I thought I could do it all and it drowned me. One must learn when to give up because living in a fool's paradise is waste of time and potential in addition to it being so unhealthy to one's mind. You can't be an artist to earn your living if no one buys your art. Giving up on dreams hurts like hell but it’s better than living in denial.

I have big dreams and I am ready to work for them. I've questioned and criticised my dreams many, many times and pondered are they really what I want, worth all the time and effort. I've come to a conclusion that my dreams are what I live for. They are my safe place. They are the core meaning of my life.
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5 July 2017


Still not a grown-up.

Nope. Wasn't two years ago, wasn't a year ago and definitely aren't now either. My life changes each day, drastically, and yet I sort of like it that way. Some days I feel so sure of myself and where I'm going and then there are periods of time I feel like a 10-year-old never ready to leave home. It's confusing.

A year ago I talked about changes. Had I only known there were much more to come. It's been a whirlwind, this whole year. Somehow I've really loved it although it's been incredibly exhausting time to times. Changes don't scare me as much anymore. I'm not neutral but I know I can take them. I've grown, I've gained courage and knowledge.

Now that school's over I thought I'd be on my own. I couldn't have been more wrong. I have a bigger and more loving group of people than ever before. My friends and family are all kind of blending in my head. We're all a big family. We all care about each other. I'm part of something. 

Next year. I don't actually have a plan and, actually, I'm not scared. I'm not panicking and that feels great. I feel very young and alive, like never before. I've been a puppet in my own master plan. Now I'm finally the leader in that game. I've become a human during this year.

I want to see what's around the riverbed. I want to see where the wind takes me. I'm going to continue growing my confidence and courage. I want to get rid of being scared of absolutely everything. I want to live. This time I'm still not 22 yet, but I'm happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time. It's been and it will be miserable and absolutely magical. 

photo credit // portaits by Suvi Ojala
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23 June 2017


asos lace dress


Praaaague! We went on a little vacation to the Czech Republic and it was the best thing ever! The Saturday following my birthday we walked in the doors of the beautiful hotel we stayed in. First thing we get upgraded to a fancier room and, my lord, we were just over the moon! We caught the sunset as we walked to the castle of Prague after having had a delicious local dinner of goulash.

The city was so beautiful. My feet hurt the whole Sunday but there was so much to see I kept going with a bit of complaining now and then, as you do. We walked through all the major attractions. My favourite thing over everything else was the cafés. We stumbled upon the most gorgeous places such as the Národní Kavárna, Café Louvre and Palanda (aka the BEST burgers!. The waiters called me madam and it was oh-so-fancy in every way.

Max took me to the historical fort of Vyšehrad on Sunday. Behind the great brick walls opened the most magnificent view. Another magnificent view was in the shopping galleries: hundreds of shops with crystal clear windows. It wasn't a shopping trip, per se, but I couldn't help but pick up a gorgeous blue swimsuit from Topshop and a pair of black Bata heals not to forget the Czech sparkling wine that we are yet to try.

It was honestly the most wonderful vacation! I'll be back without a doubt. I fell in love with the city, the light, the food and the atmosphere. Prague made it easily to the top 3 of my favourite places.

On to my holiday wardrobe. The first day I chose to wear classic navy shorts from Zara and a light cotton shirt. It's usually quite cold in planes so I threw over my favourite piece of clothing at the moment, the light blue cashmere sweater from & Other Stories. I've come to a conclusion this sweater is one of the best things I've ever owned. It's light and travels easily in the handbag. The colour goes surprisingly well with almost everything.  Another must-have is my black leather Longchamp I got from mom. It's the perfect size to fit a camera, a notebook, a water bottle and the essentials.

On the second day I wore blue gingham shorts or as I refer them: the pic-nic shorts from Zara. I paired them with this gorgeous new lace top I got from JC and a boater hat I had been on a hunt for for ages. My trusty Australian Steve Madden sandals went perfectly with the outfit but unfortunately didn't really nurture my feet after tens of kilometres of walking.

On the third day I dropped the hat and changed the short+top to this lace dress I got from Asos. It's the same Zoella had last summer and that I craved already back then but it had sold out. So when I realised they had brought it back this summer I instantly ordered it. It's very loose and light weight so it's just perfect for those +30C days when it's almost too hot to wear anything. The dress is so soft and I'm absolutely in love with it! It's definitely part of my Midsummer look.
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5 June 2017

Had you been reading my blog for a while know you'd know I have a plan. There's always been a plan. And a back-up plan. And a back-up plan for the back-up plan. According to the past and the plan it's always been work, work, work and work even harder. During upper secondary I've been to the limit relatively many times and pushed myself over it a few. I've gained a lot and I am truly glad I've done the job properly. And then it ended.

About two months ago I walked out from my last exam. That marked the end of four years of upper secondary school and thirteen years of school in total. I wrote a few pieces on my first weeks of upper secondary. In one of them I stated: "I guess these upcoming four years are going to be extremely rough - or wonderful. I just have to find the right perspective." To look back, I had no idea back then. Things have changed so much, the world has changed in my eyes, I have changed.

Since March I’ve been lying low. I decided not to take any new projects and really use this time to back off. It’s been marvellous. I don’t miss school a bit, that is for yet. At the moment I’m working at a golf club just a stone’s throw away from my home. The working world is more than different to the school world. Firstly, I get paid. Secondly, I’m being treated as an adult. Thirdly, there’s no exams. It’s not what I want for the rest of my life and I really want to get a degree but for now this seems perfect.

My graduation was last weekend. It was truly the most perfect day all through. I drank champagne and talked and laughed so much it almost hurt. I was surrounded by people I love and care about and who love and care about me. I didn't need the prom to feel like a princess when I had a day like this. 

My 20th birthday will be this week. Every year I say the same thing: “I cannot believe I’m turning this and this much!” There are days I can comprehend it and then there are days I don’t think about it. And then there are days I feel like a twelve-year-old. Moving out feels a little less scary each day. Before that I’m going to enjoy my possibly last year home.

So what's following? I missed the university application deadlines. I was supposed to apply to Italy and a university in Finland too but I thought I am not ready to leave home, not just yet. That means I'm taking a gap year. The thought felt terrifying at first. Listening to my friends who had had a gap year made the concept seem okay. And then I realised that it’s possibly not what I want but perhaps just what I need.

Referring to the original plan it's work, work, work but work in humane limits and this time for money. I keep saying I'm going to figure it all out. The truth is I'm not, but somehow everyday it's all working out. Slowly I'm beginning to believe in guidelines instead of plans. 

image credit // top left and bottom by Jani Nordqvist

dress • Needle & Thread // shoes • Zara
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22 May 2017

After nine months of separation the crew has reunited! I have missed us so much during our time apart. Now that we got our ginger back from the North the summer has officially started.

It's almost needless to say we're best friends. We're a team. So when Ellu stepped out of the train to the platform I almost started weeping. So far we've driven around in the dark, talked, laughed, walked miles for pizza and had a little photoshoot by the lake. Sadly enough we missed the golden light but there was still a bit of that gorgeous sunset left for us to gaze at.

sweater • & Other Stories // flats • Steve Madden
shirt • Thrills Company // shorts • Zara
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20 May 2017

Friday, happy day! It had hit twenty degrees in the morning when I woke up so I knew it was going to be a great day. In Finland the summer is brief and breezy so one has to take it all out of what we get. As much as I love Autumn, there's nothing better than a lovely summer day after a half a year's worth of winter torpor. Me, Max and some friends drove up to the unofficial airport lookout to enjoy the gorgeous sunset and a warm wind, dreaming of the places we could travel as the airplanes landed and took off above us. 

I've been hoarding – yes, actually hoarding – summer clothing since March. Zara has had some marvellous things in lately of which I'm really glad as their clothes are affordable yet rather good quality.

I found these blue gingham check shorts about a month ago and been dying to wear them. Now, obviously plus five degrees haven't really served the purpose of summer weather so the shorts have had to sit and wait in the closet – until now! I feel like these are the perfect pic-nic shorts and definitely a staple in my summer wardrobe.

The rusty red loafers are also from Zara. I like to buy so-called one-summer shoes that I can wear at 3am without worry of them getting dirty etc. These loafers, despite their price, are really smart-looking and actually quite good quality. I absolutely love the colour. The red brings that nice pop in every outfit and even though red might be considered as a "difficult colour" this shade is incredibly easy to pair with practically every colour. 

shirt • Princess Highway (Australia) // sunglasses • Vogue
watch • Daniel Wellington // earrings • House of Elliot 
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27 March 2017

I can't count how many sandwiches I made during the last two weeks. I don't want to see a single math book ever again! The finals are over yet again but I can't seem to switch off. It just takes time, I guess. All that stress needs time to fade off. Here's how:

I've been sleeping like the beauty. I've been watching movies and playing piano. I've been doing things that I love. I returned to the books of the living. It's a good-bye to flash cards and a hello to paint brushes and afternoon teas.

I've seen friends and got some new ones. We sat in a coffee shop thrilled of excitement, talking about our amazing plans for our futures and realising there are good people left in this mad world. I've been so set to my usual patterns for a while now. Today I realised I want to see new films, listen to new music and meet new people in addition to the dear ones I know and have.

It's the light and the warmth. Winter is always tough. I've never been a fan of Spring either but this year there's something sparkling in it. I've said I had the best summer of my life regarding the last one. Now I have a feeling this might just edge it off. I'm excited, for the first time in a while!
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18 March 2017

The daunting door of the auditorium is staring at me. It's less scary than the one of the hall. I have half of my possession stacked in a basket that I'm carrying. It's been over ten years of education and here I finally am feeling the most certain and uncertain of what will follow. There's no point adding up the points I already have: it will be what it will be despite the fives and threes.

The topics look clear. I look through the material: nothing interesting really. Luckily the third title allows me to write about philosophical nothings and nice make-the-world-better blah blah blahs. In half an hour I'm done with the mind-maps but I'm concerned with my rapid time-management and decide to spent another hour on planning.

The first draft is a messy word-vomit on the paper. It's not even long enough. So I scratch that and start over. There's a lot to fix and I spent the next hours trying to make my best effort resulting in the second draft. It's still too short and doesn't feel right at all.

There's still a little over an hour left but the blister on my middle finger is crying out of pain and my head isn't feeling the lightest either. I get myself together after a brutal pep-talk and start to work on the third and hopefully the last version. I have to force myself out of my comfort zones, to think outside the box but it all is worth it in the end. I get to hand in the most perfect paper I could have produce in those six hours and possibly one of my best works.

I run out full of cafeine or euphoria or the two mixed together and declaring the world of my success. The tears of joy quickly turn into the tears of sorrow as I slouch from the philosophy exam and into the tears of pure disappointment as my bliss gets wrecked by the reality of the english results. That is followed by two hours of crying and comforting words in the phone. I am, like we say in Finland, as if I had sold my country. 

Nevertheless, I eventually get over it and move on to painting with watercolours and dreaming of a beautiful afternoon in a beautiful living room reading magazines. 

photo from Wes Anderson's ingenious The Royal Tenenbaums 
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11 March 2017

I'm a hoarder of beautiful things. I am very proud of my absolutely gorgeous collection of magazines and coffee table books. It's not just any magazine or tin box I save, no no no. I've always had a very precise visual eye meaning only the best and most perfect items find their way to my shelves.

On the bookshelf

Printing photos has risen to the level of a guilty pleasure. I might honestly drown in them. I absolutely love scrapbooking and putting together albums — anything involving layouts, really. What I do is I pick free catalogues from stores, cut nice pictures out of them and just paste on notebooks, boxes, albums, you name it!

On my bookshelf lies also the box of letters. I don't even know where to start with these. There's something wondrous in written words. It's the effort, I guess. The stories come from the next town and a million miles away.

On the desk

By accident I have a little bit of a red theme going on at the moment. These all are little nicknacks I've gotten as souvenirs or second-handed from mom's drawers. The typewriter is one of my most precious treasures. It was an 18th birthday present collecting dust on the desk. In addition to being a real beauty there's nothing more inspiring than the sound of typewriter. 

Keep it quirky and store your painting brushes in a vase. Speaking of quirky, that's possibly the main criteria here. The more obscure and peculiar the more compelling. I'm a curious person.

mug • Maxwell Williams (Australia) // daily journal • Frankie (Australia) // double decker • Churchill's // phone case • Cath Kidston

In the wardrobe

My wardrobe is far from Carrie's astonishing walk-in, but it's a start. The clothes would be too much to feature so I'm focusing on the middle shelf. A few thick-paged fashion magazines out of which the Gentlewoman is my all time favourite. There's also my Icons of Women's Style I got for Christmas a few years ago. When in doubt, trust in Grace.

envelope bag • Marc by Marc Jacobs // the Gentlewoman // LOfficiel de la couture et de la mode de Paris // the Marc O'Polo Diary SS/16 // Icons of Women's Style • Josh Sims

On the second chair

I used to do ballet when I was little and recently I got into it again. The slippers have been in my possession for just a short amount of time but have already a special place in my heart. The Louis Vuitton is a present I am almost afraid to touch and I protect it with my life once it's out. The tiny mirror is, once again, gotten from mom and at least as special as the typewriter. I like to consider it as my lucky charm.

ballet slippers • Bloch

On the vanity

I'm skimpy when it comes to makeup. The other day I realised I've only ever bought one palette and the rest is inherited from mom's hand-me-downs. A glorious gem of mine is the motorcycle tin box in which I keep my bobby pins and hair bobbles. I've loved this box as long as I can remember and finally sort of borrowed it and never returned it. 

purse • by Malene Birger // lipstick • YSL Rouge Volupte 14 // makeup brushes • Zoeva // earrings • house of Elliot // watch • Daniel Wellington // sunglasses • Vogue
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19 February 2017

I peeked behind the cacti. I could breath in the tropics almost as I had been back in the place below the equator. Oh the greens, the lights and the blue skies! The winter garden is a hidden paradise within cold grey February.

A little photoshoot in this magical glass house garden was definitely a brilliant pick-me-up in the middle of a dull slushy day that had already wet my shoes and killed my curls. I don't know how can it be possible I haven't tumbled into this place before – I've seen it and drove past it a million times but it never occurred to me a paradise might lie within it. Better later than never, I guess.

I was wearing this Sister Jane shirt that has been hanging in my closet for months and months. The leopard pattern is really amazing and fits the "jungle" theme quite well. I love the colours and the collar too not to even mention the black bow.

The earrings have a more dramatic story. Being my favourite pair of pearls I was devastated when one morning I could find only one of them. It took months and months of heart break and a one very very lucky morning that I could see something shining in the bottom of a tote bag. The joy was immeasurable and we've been inseparable ever since.

image credit // portraits by Suvi Ojala
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14 February 2017

In your Starry Eyes lie hopes and dreams. Hopes and dreams lie in your heart, your Golden Heart.

Valentine's day is a day. A cup of coffee and matriculation examinations. My brown leather boots click when they hit the asphalts of Helsinki. The pure excitement of a newly discovered magazine shop. I close my eyes and it all is good. I cried and you held my hand. It was a beautiful day. We've been beautiful, Starry Eyes and Golden Locks. Golden Hearts and golden tomorrows.

My life seems to take two steps forwards and then one leap backwards. You been there. You've told me pretty words. I cry painful tears of terror, I like the sound of your heart beat, you keep me calm in your breathing. We've swam in the ocean of lights and got caught up in high tide. You've told me pretty words and danced with me in the kitchen.

We're different children, you and me. We live in the dreams like Gatsby. We paint breathtaking pictures of the future. We like complicated words. We face battles together. There's us in a bitter crowd. There's us when there's no one else.

We are day and night, We are soft summer nights in August. We are flowers at the airport. We are long drives through the night. We are never ending soundtracks. We are this, us, everything and more.
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15 January 2017

The last stop was Cairns. To be fair I was quite exhausted by this point and the tropics didn't make an effort to help. The nature seemed to love the rain and so bloomed in millions of vibrant colours. We saw the Great Barrier Reef from a helicopter and snorkelled amongst the fish. 

The waterfalls were great too. We took a trip to see all the major ones around. The Millaa Millaa falls is amazing. I almost tipped my toe to the warm water.

We stayed in Trinity Beach. There was a nice walk up to the sea shore rocks on which I read Oscar Wilde and listened to Tchaikovsky. It was a pretty and calm place.
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