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10 July 2014

Tuusula 2014 || Feelings before exchange

Good night folks! Or morning, or something. It’s 1.37 am and I’m spending my last night at home. I’m sitting in our living room’s blue sofa, listening some emotional music and writing about my feelings about this whole wow-I-am-an-exchange-student thing.

I’ve never before planned a blog post. Now I’m having a real paper with some notes right next to me. Now you can really tell I’m trying really hard doing a proper post.

As I told, it’s my last night at home. Actually now it’s also the date of my departure which means I have about 19 hour left to stand on the ground of our brilliant country. It’s amazing to leave, see the world but it’s also really confusing because by the time I’ll be back here I’m gonna be 18 years old, practically an adult, which I definitely am not. Not yet.

It hasn’t been rosy, I have to admit, but it definitely has not been all bad. For example, I’ve panicked which is a wonderful thing to me. I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned about this anywhere else but I can’t stress or panic about absolutely anything. No I’m again inside that bubble where I can’t feel nothing. I’m neither scared nor excited. It’s nice, I mean it’s awesome to be calm now when I actually need to be calm.

So now I have a year left being a child, learning the world. Actually I have my whole life to do all that, but for now I feel like my freedom’s gonna limit to half when I come back. I’ve been put through some really hard stuff, mainly first world decisions so really nothing. It’s been a total pain to try to decide which macbook sleeve or suitcase I want to have or packing with the principle of the shopaholic ”do I need this?”. Besides, the whole understanding-thing has been really hard. Sometimes I do understand, some other times I don’t. I mean, how can you prepare yourself to a one-year trip. I tried, didn’t really succeed.

By the times I haven’t been thinking about my feelings I’ve been packing and planning the airport-stuff. It’s actually been pushing me to do lost of stuff I wouldn’t have done otherwise. While packing I’ve been, of course, searching for lots of stuff and actually found some, almost all. I found that little adapter which came with this macbook, I’ve found my jacket and my shorts. This is awesome because if I didn’t leave I probably wouldn’t found these things. Other pro in this situation must be the fact that I’ve made a wonderful friend with who I can do puzzles with.

There’s lots to learn and I’m gonna be open to all. One thing I’ve learned already: everything’s gonna be all right.

I’m gonna see you all probably on this weekend when I’m starting my vlogging thing on my new youtube channel (which you can check out and maybe subscribe to here). I’m gonna vlog our journey from Helsinki to Palmerston North and after that you’ll have the front seats to the exchange student’s life.

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