christmas this time

Christmas. Never been my favourite time of the year. 

This year I had high expectations. Last year my Christmas was, well, very different and I don't know if I liked it or not. So this time I knew what to expect and knew how I wanted things to go. Because that's what I am; a bit of a control freak. I liked it this December. I got to go to places I knew and when I wanted. I bought presents and I didn't have to send them millions of miles away.

Still somehow I broke to tears more than twice this week. Probably the most frustrating part of this is that there's no obvious reason. So imagine people asking "what is it?" for the millionth time and I just cannot answer. Although, I have been seeing quite weird and rather awful dreams lately. In these dreams I have done a tiny mistake which somehow has turned out to be really fatal — practically my main fear in life.

Here in Finland we celebrate Christmas on the 24th being the Christmas Eve which was yesterday. We had our grandparents over and had a lovely dinner followed by unwrapping the presents. It was wonderful again and I got way more excited I had expected. This morning I woke up from a terrible dream which practically ruined almost half of the day. Somehow having a shower always helps. I think there's been an actual study about this; washing the worries off.

Under all that vain worry and tension I found something. The best present I can get is dreaming. I got reminded about my trip to see my friends in Mid-Europe (departing on Sunday, yay!) and our plans for New Year's Eve amongst many more exciting things over in 2016. I love dreaming, I love planning and I love both of them so much I don't even mind if they never came to live. The world I can create inside my head is the most beautiful and safe place I know. All I need is a spark of inspiration which is given to me by the ones I love.

Merry Christmas. Keep dreaming.